A [dash] of Hot Chics

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I am sure some of you have very wild imaginations. Some of you may even have weird-bordering-on-disgusting imaginations. So, before you make any perverse assumptions based on the title of this post let’s get one thing perfectly clear. This is not an erotic post. Neither does it contain lewd descriptions of Hot Chics, myself or any one else for that matter. It has NOTHING to do with chickens or any animal species either.

**********DISCLAIMER*************

No hot chics were harmed in the writing of this post. If you are a hot chic reading this post [yaay - hot chics reading this post] please send me an email telling me what you think as well as your phone number (for technical reasons). [it doesn't hurt to try]. In general, this post was not meant to hurt any one’s sensibilities, feelings or the other such stuff. My apologies in advance if it does.

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This post is actually about English – collective nouns for that matter …

What would the collective noun for a of hot chics be? (In brackets – the actual usage of the collective noun).

A ton of hot chics: A ton – that sounds like a measure of weight. (Ex: A ton of crap)

A bunch of hot chics: Chics aren’t like apples (is it a bunch of apples?). (Ex: A bunch of crap)

A gaggle of hot chics: Chics aren’t geese (it IS a gaggle of geese).

A set of hot chics: Chics are not a mathematical (container??). (Ex: A set of numbers)

An array of hot chics: Chics are not a programatical construct either. (Ex: An array of char*)

An earful of hot chics: I guess a lot of hot chics would be an earful – but doesn’t quite fit does it … There is an earful of IpoD users.

A team of hot chics: If hot chics are teaming up against you then you my friend are screwed. (Ex: A team of cattle)

A swarm of hot chics: If on the other hand hot chics are swarming up to you, better yet, swarming up against you then you my friend are screwed (in the better sense of the word). (Ex: A swarm of ants)

A colony of hot chics: It is rumoured that this exists. [See seinfeld for the source of this rumour]. Possible locations of this colony do NOT include: IIIT Hyderabad, Microsoft India. (Ex: A colony of beavers)

A flock of hot chics: The only thing I can imagine hot chics flocking to are concerts given by pop stars or football players like David Beckham or the (c)hunky actors like [Yeah, if you're straight you won't know the names of many hunky actors either]. (Ex: A flock of birds)

A nuisance of hot chics: It is rumoured that guys who have a lot of hot chics following them find the hot chics a nuisance. [The author sadly has no experience so cannot comment on this personally]. (Ex: A nuisance of cats)

A cartload of hot chics: I can just about imagine this. A hawker in the street. 10 ke saath ek free … 10 ke saath ek free. (Ex: A cartload of chimpanzees)

A mob of hot chis: One mob I’d like to be a part of. No matter what the cause of protest. (Ex: A mob of emus)

A school of hot chics: Darn It. If only I knew this existed. I’d have studied here … (Ex: A school of fish)

A parcel of hot chics: The ideal birthday present? (Ex: A parcel of hogs). Yeah, I’m not making any comparisons

A parliament of hot chics: This can actually happen. If all the women do not vote. And in all elections there are two candidates. One is a lookalike of Aish, the other of Laloo. What self-respecting straight guy would vote for laloo? (Ex: A parliament of owls)

I’m getting tired of CTRL+TAB right now (I’ve got a page that lists collective nouns in the other tab). Anyway, the reason for this post is that I’m home and well, there are a of hot chics over here. Not here as in my home here as in Delhi. [This is not to say that Bangalore does not have hot chics. It's just that I haven't found a lot of them. YET.]

THE RABBIT, THE FOX, AND THE WOLF

Chapter One

One sunny day, a rabbit came out of her hole in the ground to enjoy the weather. The day was so nice that the rabbit became careless, and a fox sneaked up behind her and caught her.

"I am going to eat you for lunch!" said the fox.

"Wait!" replied the rabbit. "You should at least wait a few days."

"Oh yeah? Why should I wait?" sneered the fox.

"I am almost finished writing my Ph.D. thesis," the rabbit said

"Hah! That's a stupid excuse. What is the title of your thesis anyway?"

"I am writing a thesis on `The Superiority Of Rabbits Over Foxes And Wolves.'"

"Are you crazy? I should eat you right now!" the fox snarled. "Everybody knows that a fox will always win a fight with a rabbit."

"Not really, according to my research," said the rabbit. "If you'd like, you can come to my hole and read it for yourself. If you're not convinced, you can go ahead and have me for lunch."

"You really are crazy!" replied the fox. But the fox was pretty curious, and figured he had nothing to lose, so he went with the rabbit into its hole. The fox never came back out.

Chapter Two

A few days later the rabbit was again taking a break from writing. Sure enough, a wolf came out of the bushes, caught the rabbit, and was getting ready to eat her.

"Wait!" yelled the rabbit, "you cannot eat me right now."

"And why might that be, you fuzzy appetizer?"

"I am almost finished writing my Ph.D. thesis on "The Superiority Of Rabbits Over Foxes And Wolves.'"

The wolf laughed so hard it almost lost its hold on the rabbit. "Maybe I shouldn't eat you-- you really are sick in the head and you might have something contagious!" the wolf opined.

"Come read for yourself. You can eat me after that if you disagree with my conclusions."

So the wolf went into the rabbit's hole... and like the fox, he never came back out.

Chapter Three

A few weeks later, the rabbit finished writing her thesis and was out celebrating in the lettuce fields. Another rabbit came by and asked, "What's up? You seem to be very happy."

"Yup, I just finished writing my dissertation."

"Congratulations! What is it about?"

"It is entitled `The Superiority Of Rabbits Over Foxes And Wolves.'"

"Are you sure? That doesn't sound right."

"Oh, yes, you should come over and read for yourself."

So they went off together to the rabbit's hole.

As they entered, the friend saw what looked like a typical graduate student abode-- albeit a rather messy one after writing a thesis. The computer with the controversial dissertation was in one corner of the room. On the right there was a pile of fox bones, on the left was a pile of wolf bones, and in the middle was a lion.

And the moral of the story is:

Who you are doesn't matter. What the title of your dissertation is doesn't matter.

All that matters is who your thesis advisor is.

A small Push

At the bookstore, the boy bumps with the girl.

Girl indignantly says, “Hey watch out.”
Boy apologizes, “I am sorry, I missed a step.”
Irritated, the girl replies, “That sounds like an explanation to your Physics teacher while doing an experiment that went haywire.”
Innocently the boy agrees, “That may be true – I never had an appetite for Physics. Literature was my forte.”
The girl’s interest is piqued, “Literature? You seem to be the true geek type.”
Boy, “Well I am a geek who is into literature, but how can you be so sure that I am a geek.”
For the first time the girl smiles the smile that says isn’t-that-obvious, “A stubble looks sexy only on Abhishek Bachchan, tousled hair looks good on Tom Cruise, and spectacles look cool on Hrithik Roshan. Combine all three where the stubble is approaching beard, tousled is approaching disheveled, and spectacles are more like the ones worn by Babu Rao in Hera-Pheri, the result – a geek to the heart. And with a cookbook in your hand I can also proclaim that you seem to be a bachelor.”
The boy gets out another innocuous reply, “You do seem to know a lot about me.”
Grinning widely the girl replies, “Oh yeah I have been spying on you.”
Finally the boy musters some courage to get out more then a few words, “Well well well. I did not know the paths trodden by a geeky bachelor could be of any importance to a beautiful damsel.”
If real life could have smilys the girl’s face would have shown Instead she says, “Hey did you just compliment me? I thought geeks to be tongue-tied.”
Warming up to the conversation, the boy replies, “Oh yes! Shyness is a trait of our breed which can be overcome only in select company.”
The girl retorts, “Hmmm, you have known me for about 75 seconds and I am in ’select’ company.”
Now the boy smiles, “Well my Physics experiments did go haywire, but I was a Chemistry whiz. Maybe the chemistry is working its charm today.”
Girl asks, “Are you sure about the charm? “
Boy answers, “Ohh! I am sure. I have broken my record of talking to a beautiful girl by at least 75 seconds. Till now the record was of 2 seconds that were used in saying, ‘Excuse me’.”
The girl concurs; and not, “Well I am still not sure about the charm, but there sure is some chemistry. “
The boy calls up on every ounce of audacity and blurts, “Shall we add some caffeine catalyst and observe the reaction?”
With mock anger the girl replies, “Did you just ask me out?”
The boy misses the ‘mock’, but catches the ‘anger’, “Ummm, maybe. Well… “
The same mock anger lingers, but the corners of the lips are curling upwards, “Where did your verbosity disappear? And did you really ask me out?”
The boy stammers, “Uhhh, I just realized that I asked a girl out for the first time in my life and without the original context it could have been easily misinterpreted as a chemistry experiment statement.”
A smiling face says, “Once a geek, always a geek.”
Hopefully the boy says, “I hope you change me.”
Quashing the hope the girl replies, “Hey I did not even say yes to your offer of coffee. How can you be sure that I’d change you?”
Confusion is written all across the boys face as he stammers again, “Uh-huh… So… is that a no?”
The girl laughs loudly; “No, where is the coffee?” takes her hand and leads her out of the bookstore.

*

An instant message pops up – “Satan: Hey I saw you nudge him“
The reply reads – “God: Satan, aren’t marriages made in heaven? I just gave him a small push; rest was what they did