Mixed Emotions!!

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are a lot of things about yourself that you didn't know and may or may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you do not realize is that they are realizing that too and are not really cold or catty or mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job. It is not even close to what you thought you would be doing or maybe you are looking for one and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and are scared.

You miss the comforts of college, of groups, of socializing with the same people on a constant basis. But then you realize that maybe they weren't so great after all.

You are beginning to understand yourself and what you want and do not want. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging a bit more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and add things to your list of what is acceptable and what is not. You are insecure and then secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you or you lay in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough to get to know better. You love someone but maybe love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you are not a bad person.

You go through the same emotions and questions over and over and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision.

You worry about loans and money and the future and making a life for yourself and while wining the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

Sunday

It all started on friday night. I came to know that my brother's plan to come to Bangalore has changed. His ticket didn't get confirm, so he will come on Saturday or Sunday by flight. Late in the night I got the confirmation that he will come on Sunday evening.Soon, I realized that our meet is going to be small. But never realized it was going to be too small.


Sunday morning, the rush began. A lot many things to do- get the fan repaired, give clothes for press, visit a friend as planned a night before,get some movies and stuff from a friend for my bro, clean the house,go to coaching and of course visit him. Luckily, I woke up early and the day started off well. I woke up at 8:30, got ready by 9,went to temple,had my breakfast,gave my clothes for press and gave a call to my landlord. By the time it was around 10.I went to SISO hostel to get the things, rang the bell. To my dismay,no one was awake. They were too tired to answer the bell and open the door. By the time I got the confirmation call from my landlord that the fan will be repaired by afternoon. Cool..One thing left. Visit the friend.I went there and had to rush out of the place by 12:30 to catch the bus.

As expected, I was late and had missed the Volvo.But, luck again was on my side. I got another bus and was offered a seat as soon as I entered.Through out my journey from LRDE to Kormangala Signal, I managed not to pay a single penny.Yup, I don't buy a ticket until conductor asks me. This was not the first time and I was successful.But, what goes around comes around.

As soon as I finished of my coaching I received the call from my brother 'Rishi, I've reached airport.'
'Bhaia, aap R.T.Nagar pahuncho, main bas yahan se nikal raha hoon.'He had planned to sign in in the hotel,roam around in near-by area and then accompany me to my place. Sounded great.
'Rishi, how much do they charge for R.T.Nagar.'
'Bhaia, main bhi pehli baar ja raha hoon.'

So, we both started for R.T.Nagar.I took an auto. He agreed to go for meter+10 .Okie dokie.I just hate these autowalas.He started from front of the coaching,took a right turn, then another, one more. After about ten minutes with my meter already ticking 15 bucks, I find myself around 100 meters away from my coaching center.
Me:'Bhaia, aap kahan le ja rahe ho'
Autowala:''Bhaia, oneway tha wapas aana pada. Bahut traffic tha'.
Me:'Bhaia!aap fixed rate bata do kitna loge R.T.Nagar ka'.
Autowala:'15-16 km hoga, 180 de dena'.

I went down from that auto and threw 15 rupees at his face, asked how to reach by bus from some other guy and finally started off. My watch showed 6:15. I reached majestic and took another bus. By 7:30, I was still in the bus when I received another call from my brother.
'Rishi, main pahunch gaya. Tu kahan hai.'
'Bhaia, main bhi bas pahunchne wala hoon. May be another 15 minutes.' I had no clue where I was, but my guess was accurate.By quarter to 8, I had finally reached his place.
'Bhaia, it took one and half hour from my coaching center. I don't know how much longer will it take from my place.I will rather stay here with you and go back in the morning.' Nopes, fate had something else for me.It seemed that the guest-house was totally booked. That meant I have to rush back to my place or else I won't get a bus.
Hurriedly, he overloaded my bag with things from home and without wasting time we started off for dinner. 'Pathetic' is the least offensive word I can use for the food we ate. But, atleast one thing was great. I was with my brother after a long time.But, again the rush.

I reached majestic in just 30 minutes, thanks to the already empty roads. I managed to catch the last bus, Bus no 335E, (luckily volvo) unluckily overloaded.Conductor asked for ticket, I asked if it would go to HAL. He said yes. I knew it wouldn't go to BEML but still I asked 'Bhaia, BEML jayegi'. Conductor 'haan jayegi' and charged 45 bucks for the same.

I was surprised(both because of BEML and very high charges) but happily gave 45 bucks because I wanted to end the journey.Standing in the crowd, with battery turning low only favourable thing was the soft music being played in the bus.Soon, HAL passed. I thought the bus would take a left, but it didn't. I went to conductor 'Bhaia, BEML, C.V.Raman Nagar jayegi right?'
Conductor:'Haan jayegi'.'Okies'. Bus reached Marathalli. Now quite sure, that something is wrong, I went to conductor again and asked 'Bhaia, kya route follow karegi bus'.Conductor 'BEML aayega to bata doonga'.By the time I got the seat but could not relax. Internally, I was excited, 'a new route to be explored'.

After around 10 mins.Bus takes a left turn and stops.'Ye aa gaya BEML. Utar jao yaha par.''Shocked', I went down from the bus.I had no clue where I was. All the shops were closed. Not even a single person around.I went near a shop. It read 'BEML Layout'.I thought 'Ok, I am at right place. I just need to find my way from here.' Then a thelewala showed up. I asked how do I go to G.M.Palya. He said, all the buses have left, so you will have to take an auto. I knew it was going to be a long night.
After walking around half a kilometer alone in a deserted road, I heard a sound of auto. I called for it. He asked me to pay double. I had no option but to agree. Finally, I ended up paying close to 200 bucks to autowala but was home safe. I called my brother and told I have reached.

Climbing the stairs, I tried to recollect what I have been through today and thats how my sunday ends.

My first !!
Below are a few of the posts which inspired me to try my 'hand on blogs'. Courtesy to all those who have contributed to it and to those who have not, if you write and you think your blog deserves a post here do send me a link. Thanks in advance to all those vella enough to go through the blog.
Well, talking about vellapanti, I can assure you I can give you a stiff competition.So, what do i do? Just another software engineer.Got the picture. No...Here goes a brief summary..

1. Hired along with a bunch of other engineers.
2. Given a project.
3. Launching date fixed.
4. Met some new engineers in the group.
5. whipped our asses until either dead or product is launched. or both.
6. Attend a cheap-ass pathetic party,maybe. Depends on manager.
7. Start over.

[:(]
This brings me to one important observation- why people gain weight after joining the office.In other words, why haven't I? Its not that I don't eat. Truly speaking I am addicted to food. I think it has always been there, lurking in the shadows, waiting for the time to jump out and make its inevitable debut. Like any addiction, it is there, relentless, begging, pleading, to satisfy its urge. Isn't it enough. Suggestions most welcome.
Huh, already feeling hungry.

This reminds me of a not so normal incidence that happened day before at lunch. I was in cafetarea having my meal with three other friends one of which recently got married. She was in my team a few months ago. And it was the first time since her marriage we talked. In the middle of the meal, I saw her and don't know why smiled at her. Observe the reaction of all four of us:

The girl caught me and asked "why are you smiling. You always smile when you look at me. Or is it because of my marriage you are smiling". All 3 of us laughed and the lunch went on pretty well.

Later in the evening, one of the two left told me that one should never be caught while 'seeing' a girl. He added she was feeling embarassed. Some girls don't say but she said on your face. Thats not good.

My reaction 'Stunned.Wo!!What are you talking about. First thing, I am aware she is married. Second I wasn't 'seeing' her. As a matter of fact, I always watch a person in eyes when I talk to him/her. Fourth, this is not the first time I smiled at her. She has given me that complement/comment,not sure, when we both were in same team.So buddy, just remove all the dirty thoughts from your mind.Okies.'

Now,this leaves just one person, the one who knows the girl more than both of us.What was he thinking.At that time he was just smiling but what was he feeling. Will let you know,when I next come across him.

PS1->Keep visiting for regular updates from now on.
PS2-> Do leave you valuable comments.
PS3->Good night,sleep tight.